He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
