they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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