Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
