My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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