he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
