my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
