I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
