...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
