I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
