how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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