I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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