Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
