a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do vagina's smell?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
