the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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