new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
