Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
