I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
