I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
