ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
