u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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