Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
