I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
