I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
