all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
