Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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