TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
