I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
