Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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