it hurts more in the daytime
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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