Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
