i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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