If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
