she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
