my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
