It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
