I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize