I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
