dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
