I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
