WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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