We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
