what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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