she was so not down for the gang bang
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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