In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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