sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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