puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
