i wish my penis had a tongue
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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