the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just shotgunned beers for America
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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