Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
