STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think my tv is drunk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
