dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
