I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this just has baby written all over it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
