i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
