Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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