My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
