My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
