Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
