I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
