I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
