Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
