Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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