sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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