Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
