break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
