well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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