when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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