soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
