playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
